“Come they told me pah, rum, pah, pum, pum……………..”
We walked in just before the bar opened and john Apps was going up to collect a winning prize in the raffle. Everybody was delighted (Those that weren’t put on a good enough show as if they were.) “Lushus” was over and back the floor apparently trying to stomp on a small agile creature however on enquiry she was ‘just dancin’. Dirty Dancing must confuse the Sugar Puffs out of that poor girl! She had to stop for the briefest moment as John Apps met himself coming back, on the way up to collect a winning prize in the raffle. (The applause was getting strained).
“A new born king to see pah, rum. pah, pum, pum………………”
All the usual suspects were there and the Christmas Drinks Do was soon in full swing. Just as soon as Archie had fortified himself with the cream of the big white rabbit he was up and at ‘em. He had them cornered and outnumbered. There was only so long that they could hide out in the toilets before the automated lighting system threw them into darkness. Then they had a decision to make, to stay and play the mushroom or have the Bold Yin’ skite them over the boards removing varnish in their wake. Those who chose the latter soon found out that like all good killing teams they hunted in pairs. The cries could be heard North of the river, “Oh fiddlesticks ( I think they said ), there’s two of them!” Stevie boy had taken up position and was sighting them in and laying down a creeping barrage. There was no escape, even John Apps had to skirt around the edge of the floor to go up and collect another prize in the raffle. (There were murmurs of discontent in the ranks).
“Our finest gifts we bring, pah, rum, pah, pum, pum, rum, pah pum, pum, rum, pah, pum, pum……”
The scran arrived! Fish suppers, bags and bags and bags of them. At this point Lushus declared that she was playing Hunt the Sausage. I presumed it was some feminist thing, I don’t get out as much as I used to. (The world has changed!)
“To lay before the king pah, rum, pah, pum, pum, rum, pah, pum, pum, rum, pah, pum, pum………………”
“I’ve found it!” Lushus announced the location of the sausage. No puns, no wordplay, no secret Amazonian party game. She had come upon the meaty based product that met with Peter’s dietary requirements. For a moment the rest of us thought that she had maybe won a prize in the raffle but to our increasing disappointment this was not the case, just the sausage. Meanwhile John Apps went up to collect a raffle prize. There was a brief hiatus as we devoured an EU cod quota and enough spuds to leave a ready and waiting landfill site somewhere in the depths of Ayrshire.
“So to honour him pah, rum, pah, pum, pum……………..
Fortified and victualed we pushed on with the attack. It was murder polis’. There were bodies swaying and fathers praying “Oh why could I not just have had boys!”
“Suddenly Lushus announced the highlight of the evening, a group of firemen had come along to do a raunchy strip, proceeds to go to the Charitable Trust Fund. In they trumped, Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub.
Are you still awake then? Stay with us, we’re nearly done. There was a love match made that evening, however decorum constrains me from naming and faming. What happens on the run stays on the run. Enough said already but not before John Apps went up and collected a raffle prize. Next year we may well do things differently but we will hardly do them any better. A Bravo Zulu to Laura for keeping her finger on the pulse (Stop it now, we were doing so well too. You’ve not just let all of us down, you’ve let yourself down, as Pony said to his date that night!).
“When we come…………………”
May I take this opportunity to wish you one and all a very Happy Christmas and all the Best for the New Year. Especially to our Euro friends in Greece as I see that there has been an unexpected rise in their balance of payments and Greece is now officially out of recession. WW.