Gone to Lanzarote!

We arrived shortly after the main event, my No.2 and I, just after 7pm and helped the DJ through the door. Gone are the days when the deck jockey had to hump dozens of Schweppes bottle crates, hollowed out to accommodate the format of the day, the 7inch single (For the children amongst you, a file/data storage device popular in the 60s, 70s and 80s, the size of a small dinner plate, that could fit 3 minutes of music, permanently fixed, on either side, or 6 minutes in total.) I held the door open for him and he sidled through with his laptop that probably housed the comparative capacity of a large warehouse full of Schweppes crates jammed full of tunes. Progress!

Peter was there to meet and greet us with his new wife Anne resplendent in a veiled white dress (But Anne was wearing a smart casual ensemble…………………. Sorry! I couldn’t help myself!). Peter had opted for full highland regalia with a woad blue and thistle purple tartan complete with plaid draped casually over his left shoulder and a Fairbairn-Sykes tucked handily into his hose ( What is it with a man in a kilt that reduces one’s mindset between that of Dennis the Menace and Benny Hill).

The DJ cum photographer announced “The cutting of the cake” and an impromptu photo opportunity. After a sudden rush and several flashes (There goes Benny Hill again, I can hear the theme tune clearly in my head and so now can you!) the Jingle Jock played Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s get it on” and Peter and Anne cuddled one another across the floor, “The first dance”. While I could not deny myself the chance to read the lips of their cosy conversation, decorum prohibits me from divulging, probably their first aired marital thoughts and utterances, Anne and Peter know what was said.

The dimming of the lights signalled the start of the music fest  “Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma Chameleon”, the crowd were edgy and in no hurry to trot, “You come and go, You come and go…….” meanwhile the kids were doing what kids do, engraining stains into their Sunday Best that Ariel couldn’t shift on a repeat boil cycle, sliding over and back the dance floor. “We were rippin’ up, we were rockin’ up”, the poseurs where heading for the floor to shout out with Les McKeown “Shang a lang, Shang a lang”. Decks the Dance had them and he was not letting go, “I know there’s only, only one like you, There’s no way they could have made two”. Big Barry was chanting it out and women past the menopause started ovulating “You’re the first, my last, my everything”. Air on a G spot. The deck man knew his stuff and let them up for air. As they sustained themselves for one last effort to get back to a seat, Whitney hit them with the AaaHhhhhhhh! Factor, “If I should stay, I would only be in your way”, Dolly can sure work her way around a lyric. The audience regrouped and fortified themselves with a deserved libation but few would tackle the chorus “And I……………………..will always love you, ooh!”. The floor was clear and the kids came back to take the Persil Challenge.

Anne’s mum Margaret came by for a chat and gave us an account of the service earlier in the afternoon. A Humanist affair, both mums lit a candle on the outer edge of a candlestick of three and then the happy couple lit the central candle from both of these. I put this detail in because I have a feeling that it will touch those of you whom this sort of thing touches, but not in a Jimmy Saville way.

Peter and Anne sat down for a chat also, it was their big day and they were loving it, in between loving one another (Isn’t that nice!). The DJ made another probing patrol, “You’ve done it all, you’ve broken every code, And pulled the Rebel to the floor”. They couldn’t keep away, they were up and giving it laldy “Come up and see me, to make me smile”. I don’t know just whose dad he was but somebody somewhere was awfully embarrassed and that was just the tie! If your piles ever get infected, you too will move like this! “You’re just too good to be true, I can’t take my eyes off you”, they were greased and in the groove now alright, “I need you baby, And if it’s quite alright, I need you baby, To warm the lonely nights”, this was magic, rock on Frankie boy. The happy couple couldn’t keep away “Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby, Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around”. They were loving it, I was loving it. I considered dancing, not for long (hardly at all really!) but this was emotional. “Well, look there, look there, look there, look there, ooh wee”, Jackie Wilson took it up yet another notch “Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreet petite, the finest girl You ever wanna meet”. They were all up and at it. The DJ put his photographers hat on and took his chance, “Everyone on the floor for a crowd phot”, well most were there already, “Smile”, no prompting needed, everyone was having a ball.

We took our chance and our leave after we wished both Anne and Peter all the best for the next morning, they were flying off on honeymoon. Members, I am happy to report,

“They have gone to Lanzarote!”




2 Responses to Gone to Lanzarote!

  1. Anonymous says:

    My Mrs has gone to Lanzarote, ave got an Empty……………………………………

  2. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for this very moving account, sounds like a great time was had by all, would just like to wish Peter and Anne all the very best! Nearly choked at the Barry bit!!! lol Lx

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