Laura had been going on about this friend of hers, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on and then some. If you know Laura this needs no explanation whatsoever, only to say that I know and accept the fact that the number of “and on’s ” is nowhere near long enough. If you have never met Laura then trust me, there are some things in life where the cost of knowing far exceeds the “need to know”, this is one such thing and you don’t need to know.
They called themselves the Mossy Posse’. This friend worked in a bank and could get us hundreds, nay thousands of pounds for little or no extra effort to double our collections for the Royal Marine Charitable Trust Fund. “What kind of bank?” we cried and being bootnecks we could only think of one. We had given our blood, sweat and tears for the RMCTF but surely this was a fluid too far. Not for any prudish reasons that we may have against such a donation, we just didn’t want the City of Glasgow Branch of the Royal Marine Association to be known as just a bunch of “old w*&%£$s!”
Suddenly April was upon us (That is not the friend, control yourself and stop making up your own stories!) and our collecting was in full flow and so was Laura, and on, and on (You get my drift). “What could be the harm in it?” We punks were feeling lucky, we had to know. The friend was duly invited and she graciously agreed her consent.
Her name is Gail and she turned up one Wednesday evening to meet the troops. Now some of the guys were thinking “blood, sweat and tears? We can go that extra smile!” However as Gail was to explain, she could get us “value from ideas”. Bootnecks aren’t known for a great many ideas, I put forward our idea on the main business of the bank if any proof is needed and I mean “the business”, we were still hovering around waist height.
The bank was Santander and with Gails help we could be “driven to do better”. Hurrah! Relief, disappointment, confusion, we were a huge cocktail of our own emotions. There was hurried talk of big T-shirts, photographs and big checks (Archie’s sports jacket?) sorry, big cheques. A big three thousand, five hundred pound cheque to be precise. Gail is the hero of the hour and Laura is being tolerated, most of the time (Three and a half grand buys a lot of tolerance!).
To prove this we did the photie thingy, some of us wore blazers and those who couldn’t afford blazers wore the T-shirts (Could we maybe make it four and a half grand next year?). Laura brought the big cheque and borrowed a big pen to write it out, although she did spell association wrongly.
On a rare moment of seriousness, could I take this opportunity, on behalf of myself, the branch and the RMCTF, to thank Gail, Laura and all the good people at Santander for driving us to do better and getting maximum value from your ideas. A BZ to you all, WW.
p.s. You can stop screwing your face up at those photographs now Laura, your spelling is correct and for Laura’s mums soul, I didn’t mention bankers once. WW.